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Eegah

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The name written in blood!’

Eegah is a 1962 American sci-fi fantasy horror film written by Bob Wehling. It stars Arch Hall, Jr. (The Sadist), Arch Hall, Sr. (who directed as Nicholas Merriwether, co-produced The Thrill Killers; and wrote The Corpse Grinders), Marilyn Manning and Richard Kiel in the titular role, the same year he was in the classic Twilight Zone episode ‘To Serve Man’. 7 foot two inch tall Kiel would go on to appear in House of the Damned (1963) twice play Jaws, a James Bond villain, star in Italian sci-fi film The Humanoid (1979) and play ghost Captain Howdy in horror spoof Hysterical (1982).

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Assistant cameraman Ray Dennis Steckler appears in the picture as Mr. Fischer, the man at the hotel who is thrown at the pool near the end. Steckler made his directing debut the next year in the Arch Hall Jr. vehicle, Wild Guitar. Steckler’s first independent feature, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies was later distributed by Fairway-International, owned by Arch Hall, Sr.

Eegah is often cited as being one of the worst films of all time but there are many worse.

Plot teaser:

One night after shopping, Roxy Miller (Marilyn Manning) is driving to a party through the California desert when she nearly runs her car into Eegah (Richard Kiel), a giant cave man. She tells her boyfriend Tom Nelson (Arch Hall, Jr.), and her father Robert Miller (Arch Hall, Sr.) about the giant. Her father, a writer of adventure books, decides to go into the desert to look for the creature and possibly take a photograph of it.

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When his helicopter ride fails to show up at his designated pickup time, Tom and Roxy go looking for him but the latter is soon kidnapped by Eegah and taken back to his cave…

Eegah played by Richard Kiel

Reviews:

Eegah! is considered by many to be the worst movie ever made. We think we’ve seen worse, but there’s no denying that Arch Hall Sr’s caveman epic is among the most poorly made motion pictures of all time. Hall cast himself, his son, and his secretary in the lead roles, and all three of them are low on talent. The only person involved with this film that has any scrap of talent whatsoever is Richard Kiel…” Shameface.com

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” … bad movie fans have a special place in their hearts for the efforts of the Halls, and for Eegah especially, perhaps because of the deeply emotional reverberations it leaves in the minds of all who see it. Or maybe because it’s a good laugh.” The Spinning Image

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“Terrible in all the right ways, Eegah is about as bottom of the barrel as they come but no less enjoyable for it if you’re in the right frame of mind. It’s not often a movie combines dune buggies, rock n roll, cavemen and helicopters in on ninety minute mainline hit of celluloid weirdness, but here it is. Hall’s typically clunky direction is on display and the film’s miniscule budget shows throughout (Eegah lives in a cave that appears to be made out of a dirty drop cloth!). Kiel is actually well cast as the grunting caveman and not entirely unsympathetic in his part, while Arch Jr. is as dopey and as goofy as they come, singing his way through the movie with nary a care in the world.” Ian Jane, DVD Talk

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Cast:

Wikipedia | IMDb | Internet Archive



War Wolves

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‘They say war changes you… they have no idea.’

War Wolves is a 2009 television movie that originally aired on the Syfy network on March 8, 2009. The film stars Michael Worth, who also serves as the film’s director and genre favourites, John Saxon (Blood Beach, A Nightmare On Elm Street) and Adrianne Barbeau (The Fog, Creepshow) .

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A skirmish is taking place in the Middle East, the American soldiers attacked from all angles by an unseen enemy. Some brief glimpses tell us enough to gather they are hybrids of some kind and the action flips forward to a post-duty America and the soldiers adapting to their changed lives. Among them is Jake Gabriel (Worth), who has adopted the forehead-slappingly obvious alias, ‘Lawrence Talbot’ (Larry Talbot being Lon Chaney Jr’s character in 1941’s The Wolfman) and has taken a job in the local supermarket. Doing whatever he can to resist changing into his lupine self, he is taken under the wing of counsellor, Gail (Barbeau), who treats him for supposed post-traumatic stress, as well as gabbling on about Bigfoot and Yetis – elsewhere, some impressively upholstered female Werepersons and some scowling Manwolves are keen to reintegrate him into the pack. A third collective comprises of Tony Ford (Saxon) and Frank Bergman (Tim Thomerson, Trancers, Near Dark), bickering best friends and on the hunt for the renegade wolves.

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Welcome then to a werewolf movie that never shows you a werewolf. Not once. Many a film has hinted and teased with their monsters but when successful, this can be incredibly powerful – not so here. It merely highlights the lack of budget (a great deal of the $500,00 budget must have been to lure in the likes of Saxon and Barbeau, not to mention Martin Kove (the deputy from Wes Craven’s The Last House on the Left) and Art LaFleur (again from Trancers) – certainly it didn’t go on the script (also by Worth, who should at this stage be under house arrest) which is truly jaw-dropping. There are moments when Saxon is ruminating on the twists and turns of his life when you wish your ears would heal over. As such, it’s difficult to judge the acting, it would be impossible to make any kind of a purse out of such a farm animal’s ear, in fact, no-one absolutely disgraces themselves, again, a terrible sign that the problem is fundamental rather than cosmetic, as it were.

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Beyond some wet-nose make-up, some Christmas cracker fangs and an attempt at some ears, there is nothing to hint that this is a horror film. The plot as it is is acceptable, given that it isn’t a million miles away from the immeasurably superior Dog Soldiers and the desert locale offers numerous (inevitably mostly unexplored) opportunities. Saxon literally limps his way through the film, it’s unclear whether this is delayed Enter the Dragon-knee related or simply old age, but it adds to the anguish at seeing such a reliable performer given such toothless material. Barbeau is given little to do with her superfluous character during the early scenes which suggest the film is meant to be an allegory for the struggles of post-war soldiers but abandons this in favour of some painfully hobbled shoot-outs and some clothes-on, glamorous romancing with not-a-hair-out-of-place model-types.To conclude we are blessed with some grim Matrix-style floaty fight sequences and an ending which couldn’t make the experience any less worthwhile.

Daz Lawrence, Horrorpedia

War Wolves 2009 DVD

Buy War Wolves on DVD from Amazon.co.uk

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The Nostril Picker

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‘He chose his weapons… he selected his victims… he picked his nose…’

The Nostril Picker - aka The Changer –  is a 1993 American horror film in the slasher genre. It was directed by Mark Nowicki from a screenplay by Steven Hodge, It stars Carl Zschering. Edward Tanner and Laura Cummings. Despite its title, the film plot does not directly revolve around a man who picks his nose.

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Plot teaser:

Joe is an ugly loser, incapable of picking up women. But when he’s taught a magical power, capable of transforming him into anyone he pleases and then back to his normal self, he decides to use it to live out his perverse fantasies.Initially content just watching them shower, Joe soon tires of mindless nudity and gears up to take his ultimate revenge against womankind: luring them to his shabby apartment, violently killing, and even eating them!

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Reviews:

“Rhinotillex enthusiasts, I’m afraid, will whine endlessly about the overall level of on-screen nose-pickery; other than a few uncomfortable scratches during the first twenty minutes, there’s very little correlation between the movie and its slightly misleading moniker. That said, The Nostril Picker is ultimately a thoroughly engrossing little project despite being completely pointless. Unless you’re a hardcore fan of nonsensical no-budget nutiness, you’d do well to cross the street and run far, far away.” The Film Fiend

The Nostril Picker montage:

“This is a zero-budgeter like never before. It’s like a home movie gone wrong. The picture quality is horrendous. There’s scratches and grain on every shot and it looks like it was bleached of any colour. I honestly refuse to believe that this was made in 1993 – it looks absolutely terrible. Did someone leave the film print out in the sun all day or drop it down the toilet? It’s got to have been made back in the 70s and was just sat around in someone’s garage since then.” Popcorn Pictures

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“But this isn’t even one of those “So bad they’re good” flicks – it’s just plain bad. Seriously, watching retarded shit like this can’t be good for you. Nevertheless, it’s hard not to recommend a film with a title like The Nostril Picker. A rate seems pointless, but I give it one point for originality and one point for the title, and there’s a part of me that (believe it or not) thinks you should see the film, allthough I didn’t like it – you know, just to see it. Especially if you have a soft spot for amateurish, low-budget B-movies. The crappier the better, right?” Rare Cult Cinema

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Wikipedia | IMDb

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Contamination .7

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Contamination .7 – also known as CreepersTroll 3, Troll III: Contamination Point 7, and The Crawlers - is a 1993 Canadian-Italian horror film directed by Joe D’Amato and Fabrizio Laurenti, produced by Filmirage. It stars Mary Sellers, Jason Saucier, Bubba Reeves and Chelsi Stahr. Costumes were designed by former Black Emanuelle star Laura Gemser.

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Plot teaser:

After a small town nuclear power plant dumps hazardous waste into a forest surrounding the small town, people begin dying in increasingly gruesome ways. People cannot pinpoint the source of the deaths, until the EPA investigates, proving that the forests’ roots had mutated due to the waste, beginning to kill and eat people. The plants attempt to break loose, however the EPA arrives again and bulldozes the plants, killing them, leaving the possibility that some more plants may have survived…

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Like Troll 2, Troll 3 has no plot connection to the original Troll, features no trolls, and is also a horror film, not fantasy-comedy. The film has none of the original cast, nor storyline continuation, from either Troll film. An early script was made with the original cast in mind. In one scene in a bar, a banjo-centric song from Troll 2 can be heard in the background.

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Buy on DVD from Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk

Reviews:

“If you’ve got some like minded friends that love to make fun of bad movies, then order up a pizza, get the beer flowing and have fun with this one.  Or if you’re like me and you can count the amount of friends willing to subject themselves to this level of cinematic cheese on one finger, then order that pizza (get extra cheese… treat yourself!) and your favorite beverage and make it a bad movie night. Don’t miss it!” Midnight Cinephile

“Attacking the performances is pointless — these people know how bad they are, and given the script their forced to work with, I can’t exactly blame them. The special effects, meanwhile, are almost nonexistent; watching the villainous roots in action is quite a sight to see, particularly during the film’s chaotic, nonsensical finale. However, any movie that features a town banding together to dispose of several dozen barrels of dangerously radioactive toxic waste shouldn’t be taken seriously, especially when someone like D’Amato is driving the bus. As awful as the picture is, it would probably be more fun to criticize the filmmakers for what they actually got right. When I figure out what that is, I’ll let you know.” Bloody Good Horror

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“To put it simply: There is nothing fun here. The movie has no nudity, no gore (apart from a quick scene where a character gets a root into his mouth and having it exit through his eye but it is so poorly made that it doesn’t really matter), no exploitative materials at all. It is just… Dull. I can’t even see it working when watching it with friends over a case of beer. It is that bad. A major avoid.” Rubber Monster Fetishism

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Wikipedia | IMDb

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Hazard Jack

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Hazard Jack is a 2014 American horror film directed by David Worth (Poor Pretty Eddie; House at the End of the Drive) and starring Amanda Maddox, Alison Lani and Macauley Gray. The film avoids the trappings of many recent horror films and focuses squarely on the 1980’s slasher aesthetic.

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Pity poor Jack. Returning from serving his country and suffering with a particularly bad dose of post-traumatic stress disorder, he then finds he has been let go by his employer, the only source of comfort and routine he had left. Seeing little option but to roam around an abandoned hospital, biceps bared but face shielded by a large welders-type visor, he awaits trespassers to take out his anger on. Luckily for him, a group of alleged teenagers decide it would make the ideal venue for their annual paint-balling contest. There are three distinct factions within their number; a gaggle of vacuous, lust-crazed airheads; a couple of quieter more thoughtful types; two homosexual characters, leaving only someone in a wheelchair out of the catch-all demographic.

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A sniff of alcohol is all it needs for these three groups to split up and for the dumbos to commence a game of strip target practice with the paint guns, a sequence which seems to take up half the film. The two young ladies comprise of so much plastic, they’ll be keeping cockroaches company in millenia to come, whilst the blokes both wear bandanas – they aren’t the most endearing types. Slowly, Jack (Quincy Taylor), offs the offending and offensive youths one by one, using an array of tools he presumably used to use in his day-job, including a nail-gun, flamethrower (!) and a power drill.

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Helpfully, some of the teens have tied each other up in readiness for a spot of light bondage, the blindfolds they’re also wearing making Jack’s work somewhat easy. Despite the cavernous hospital literally spewing corridors and hidey-holes, the youngsters find themselves bumped off one-by-one by the ambling killer, preferring to hide in wall cavities than just walk out of the unlocked front door. A surprise pregnancy announcement, some interrupted fellatio which is being filmed on the male participant’s phone and some contemplation in the hospital chapel (!) bring us mercifully to the film’s ending, as well as our will to live.

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Director, Worth, is probably best known for his 80’s fare Kickboxer and Bloodsport, the dialogue from which was seemingly ripped into tiny shreds and randomly reassembled to be used here. This is truly dreadful stuff, at no point offering any hope of suspense, violence or thrills, cheap or otherwise, rendering it as a disaster as both a film and, more specifically, a slasher. The ‘kids’ (average age approx 27) have absolutely no back stories of interest, the two gay characters throwing the LGBT’s work back several decades and the girls, the plastic surgery industry about the same. Jack himself, presumably a wrestler at some point, communicates in grunts for reasons left unsaid, hopefully the authorities stopped his benefits for using work tools for his own selfish means.

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The spilled blood is of the squirty food-colouring kind and the slayings ultimately yawningly tame, despite the array of tools used and the odd heart ripped beating from its cavity. The sex and nudity is equally tiresome, not so much ‘soft-core’ as ‘padded’. There’s no reason why the slasher shouldn’t make a comeback but this is simply empty; no character, no scares, no excitement. If someone pointed to this as to why they didn’t like horror films, you’d be hard pushed to argue against them.

Daz Lawrence

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The Creature Wasn’t Nice

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The Creature Wasn’t Nice – also known as Spaceship and Naked Space - is a 1981 (released 1983) U.S. film written and directed by Bruce Kimmel. It purports to be a comedy that satirises extraterrestrial sci-fi horror monster movies such as Alien and includes clips from American and Japanese science fiction movies.

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The film stars Leslie Nielsen (Forbidden PlanetRepossessed) in a role similar to his in the farcical comedy Airplane (1980). It co-stars Cindy Williams, Gerrit Graham, and Patrick Macnee (The Howling). It was released on VHS in 1983 under the title Spaceship to cash-in Nielsen’s connection to Airplane!, and released on DVD in 1999 to play up the connection to his Naked Gun comedies.

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The movie is a low-budget comedy with simple sets and dialog wrapped around several musical numbers. In one of the scenes, the red slimy one-eyed alien monster performs a lounge-act style musical number called “I Want to Eat Your Face.”

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Williams performs two musical numbers, one solo and one with Kimmel, who had previously appeared with and directed her in 1976 in The First Nudie Musical. Bizarrely, a soundtrack CD of the score by David Spear, plus Kimmel’s camp songs, was released on CD in 2007.

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Plot teaser:

2012: The spaceship Vertigo and its crew encounter “an unknown and undiscovered” planet where they discover a small red jelly-like organism. Taking it on board their spaceship, they are are appalled to discover the alien life form is intent on eating the crew, whilst singing lounge numbers…

Reviews:

Half the film’s raison d’etre appears to have been to indulge director/star Bruce Kimmel’s apparent liking for song-and-dance numbers …The rest of the film is crass lowbrow humour. There is a plethora of bad taste gags, some of which are astonishingly awful in their loudness and its vulgarity.” Richard Scheib, Moria

“Whatever charm this might have had is obliterated by overacting (including Ron Kurowski as the monster), flat direction and utterly dumb writing. The major blame can be put on Bruce Kimmel, who wrote, directed and plays one of the crew. Eject it through the airlock, quick!” John Stanley, Creature Features

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“Though some would be content with a spoof of Alien with obvious gags, and there was nothing here ever less than doggedly likeable, almost all of it fell flat with everyone else, that in spite of at least one moment of inspiration when the now-grown monster is hooked up to a translator and croons the memorable ballad ‘I Want to Eat Your Face’. Aside from that, which a surprising amount of people recall even if they don’t remember the film around it, it was all too mild to make an impression otherwise with an effects budget which would make an old episode of Star Trek look lavish and performances more appropriate to vaudeville.” Graeme Clark, The Spinning Image

“One of the worst movies ever made had three redeeming scenes which made the whole thing worth it. Because of these hilarious scenes as well as the overall ridiculous story with no attempt at making it believable, it has become a cult classic.” Someone Once Said…

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Cast:

Wikipedia | IMDb


Slash Dance

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‘Save the last dance… for Hell!’

Slash Dance – aka Slashdance – is a 1989 U.S. horror thriller written and directed by James Shyman (Hollywood’s New Blood). It stars Cindy Ferda, James Carroll Jordan, J. Buzz Von Ornsteiner, Jay Richardson, William Kerr, John Bluto, Dee Booher [as Queen Kong], Kelle Favara.

Plot teaser:

In Hollywood, a female cop goes undercover as a dancer at an old theatre to catch a serial killer who has been murdering women auditioning for a musical…

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Reviews:

“There are a lot of red herrings tossed around, along with a lot of big hair, acid washed denim, horrible acting and downright retarded storytelling. This movie also tries to inject a lot of really unfunny, inappropriate humor throughout, which gives it a schizophrenic feel as it switches back and forth from wacky highjinks to musical montages to serious violence, all without batting an eyelash. The gore is at a minimum here, as well as the nudity, which is very brief at best.” Michael Monterastelli, CHUD.com

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Slashdance is an utterly avoidable effort that fails to deliver as a slasher, as a comedy or even as a dance movie. There’s really nothing to recommend here and its best avoided.” A Slash Above…

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Slash Dance is very bad, and I don’t really think it’s even much of a curiosity for slasher fans unless you really want to see shoot guns on a firing range, deliver dropkicks, and show off her high-heel throwing prowess. No matter how cool that sounds, it really isn’t. Trash it!” Brett Gallman, Oh, the Horror!

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“It’s an absolutely horrendously bad film: it fails as a slasher flick, it fails as a crime thriller, and it fails as a horror-comedy – yes, there’s plenty of attempted intentional humor in Slash Dance. The intentional humor is so not funny that it totally travels full-circle and becomes funny again, which is very rare … Look, if you want a decent slasher set in the world of theatre, try Stage Fright or Curtains. But if you just want some fabulously bad direct-to-VHS ’80s-cheesy-style fun, I highly recommend Slash Dance, some friends, and a six-pack. Leotards are optional.” Final Girl

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“Lots of dancing. Few thrills.” John Stanley, Creature Features

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Choice dialogue:

“Ok, but if I end up looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame from sleeping on your couch, it’s your fault.”

“It’d like to tap dance, on his head.”

IMDb


The Wizard of Mars aka Horrors of the Red Planet

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The Wizard of Mars is a 1965 low budget science fiction film takeoff of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz co-written and directed by stage magician David L. Hewitt. The title character is portrayed by John Carradine, who gives a lengthy monologue as a projection near the end of the film.

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The film centers on four astronauts — Steve (Roger Gentry), “Doc” (Vic McGee), Charlie (Jerry Rannow), and of course, Dorothy (Eve Bernhardt), shown aboard ship wearing Silver Shoes — who dream they are struck by a storm and encounter the Horrors of the Red Planet (one of the film’s video retitlings), and eventually follow a “Golden Road” to the Ancient City where they encounter the title character, who is the collective consciousness of all Martians.

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David L. Hewitt had previously co-written the screenplay of The Time Travelers and had turned a 33-minute-long Monsters Crash the Pajama Party into part of an interactive stage show. Hewitt met a group of vending machine operators who wanted to produce films with Hewitt convincing them that science fiction had potential.

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Their company American General Pictures’ first full-length film The Wizard of Mars was made using an optical printer for special effects and was filmed for $33,000 in Great Basin National Park and Fallon, Nevada. The mask of the title character was made by Don Post and reused in Space Probe Taurus. In 1988, it was misleadingly released in the USA on VHS as Alien Massacre.

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Reviews:

” … my all-time favorite kitschy movie about space travel. This one has all the little extras that separate a true bad movie classic from the mere pretenders. One of those extras would be incredibly cheap special effects, some of them cadged right from the old Soviet sci-fi flick Planet of Storms, which is a lot of fun for people like me who’ve seen those same bits of footage show up in countless other bad movies.” Edward Wozniak, Balladeer’s Blog

“The film never lets the visuals or characters do the storytelling, it is always done through emotionally deprived dialogue or excessive exposition that serves no purpose. The surface of Mars is described as barren and devoid of life, which clearly it isn’t, as there is running water and a variety of trees and plant-life covering the surface. One of the most humourous scenes is when the astronauts are crossing a lake on some inflatable rafts (Really?) and are attacked by the most ridiculous looking giant centipedes that are so ridiculously fake looking it is quite hilarious.” Dane Worrallo, More Than Numbers?

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“Light on action, heavy on conversation, Hewitt films require patience and tolerance from the viewer. But viewers in the right mood will enjoy the combination of dream trippy atmosphere and boyish naivety.” David Elroy Goldweber, Claws & Saucers

Choice dialogue:

“Isn’t there any place on this planet that isn’t a death trap?”

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Wikipedia | IMDb

 



Don’t Go in the Woods

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‘Everyone has nightmares about the ugliest way to die.’

Don’t Go in the Woods – also known as Don’t Go in the Woods… Alone! - is a 1980 (released 1981) American slasher film directed by James Bryan from a screenplay by Garth Eliassen. The film was shot on a budget of $20,000 in the summer of 1980 in outdoor locations in Utah in order to save money on the film’s lighting.

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It is one of the infamous video nasties that was banned in the UK in the moral panic of the 1980s. It was finally re-released uncut, with a BBFC 15 rating (!), in 2007.

Plot teaser:

As something kills a hysterical woman, and a bird watcher, four friends – Peter, Joanne, Ingrid and Craig – trek through the wilderness. A tourist is thrown over a waterfall – landing near some oblivious frolickers – and his mother is wounded, and dragged away.

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The four backpackers set up camp for the night, and elsewhere a pair of honeymooners are attacked in their van and murdered. The next day, the two couples continue their hike, while an artist is stabbed to death, and her young daughter is taken.

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Two more campers are butchered, and while off on his own, Peter witnesses a fisherman be murdered by the killer, a spear-wielding wild man adorned in furs and rags. Peter rushes off to warn his friends, who the maniac gets to first, spearing Craig, and sending Joanne fleeing into the woods. Peter finds Ingrid, and after the two stumble upon the wild man’s cabin, they accidentally attack another hiker, thinking he was the savage. The killer finishes off the hiker, and wounds Ingrid, but she and Peter escape, and eventually reach civilisation, and alert the authorities to the backwoods psychopath…

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Buy Don’t Go in the Woods on Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray + DVD from Amazon.com

Reviews:

“Aside from one nasty bit with a bear trap and a sequence toward the end that faintly — and accidentally, believe me — recalls The Texas Chain Saw Massacre in its slow, dread-saturated buildup, director James Bryan’s splatter film is an incoherent mess. An endless parade of victims keeps the fake blood squirting, but the murder sequences are so poorly staged that it’s usually impossible to tell precisely what’s happening. The most frightening thing about this alleged horror film, aside from its bad synthesizer soundtrack, is its pacing. Murder sequences are clumped together throughout the film, leaving a lot of flab in between.” Bryan Pop, DVD Verdict

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“Much of the dialogue is priceless – a doctor saying of one of the escapees to the sheriff: “There’s a lot of pressure under that kind of stress and he might… he might become irrational!” The scriptwriter should have won some kind of surrealist award, or been shot – or both! The gore is cheap but plentiful (enough to get it banned in the UK, an accolade it still possess after so many years) and there is always the slightly satisfying feeling that you will (probably) never see anything as awful again.” Hysteria Lives

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Buy Don’t Go in the Woods on 88 Films Blu-ray from Amazon.co.uk

” …a lively, ramshackle horror picture with a devil-may-care approach to story construction, and lots of grisly deaths. The story … may lack originality, but it plays the slasher horror game to the hilt and proved to be Bryan’s most visible and commercially successful picture.” Stephen Thrower, Nightmare USA

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Buy Nightmare USA book from Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk

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” …fat women huffing up hillsides, nerdy birdwatchers, roller-skating disco-bunnies and swinging couples, all accompanied by perhaps the most grating score of all time (by H. Kingsley Thurber). At the gore is plentiful – if extremely hokey.” J.A. Kerswell, Teenage Wasteland: The Slasher Movie Uncut

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Buy Teenage Wasteland: The Slasher Movie Uncut book from Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk

Cast:

  • Jack McClelland as Peter
  • Mary Gail Artz as Ingrid
  • James P. Hayden as Craig
  • Angie Brown as Joanne
  • Ken Carter as Sheriff
  • David Barth as Deputy Benson
  • Larry Roupe as Store Owner
  • Amy Martell as Artist’s Child
  • Tom Drury as Maniac
  • Laura Trefts as Doctor Maggie

Choice dialogue:

Craig: [tying Joanne in a sleeping bag] “Now I’ve got you, bitch! Let’s hear you say uncle! Say uncle! Say it, bag of bitch! Say it! Say it, bag of bitch! Say it! Say uncle!”

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International titles:

Filo mortal – Argentina

The Forest 2 – Australia (video title)

Perigo na Floresta – Brazil

Le tueur de la forêt – France

Nie chodz do lasu – Poland

Não Vás à FlorestaSozinha! – Portugal

No vayas al bosque… sola – Spain

Ausflug in das Grauen – West Germany

Wikipedia | IMDb


The Howling: New Moon Rising

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The Howling: New Moon Rising – also known as Howling VII and Howling VII: Mystery Woman – is a 1995 direct-to-video horror sequel to The Howling and the seventh film in the film series, directly succeeding Howling VI: The Freaks. The movie was written, produced and directed by Clive Turner who also starred in the film. He also executive produced the Lawnmower Man films.

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New Moon Rising incorporates footage from the previous three sequels in the Howling series, Howling IV: The Original Nightmare, Howling V: The Rebirth, and Howling VI: The Freaks.

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Plot teaser:

An Australian named Ted, apparently intricately connected to the previous three Howling films, arrives in a small western town where he begins to mingle with the local townsfolk, secretly recording his own enigmatic agendas into a tape recorder in his hotel room. At the same time a number of mysterious slayings appearing to be the work of a large animal begin to occur in the area. A detective investigates the case, helped by a priest who is certain the killings are the work of a werewolf, leading the two of them to uncover several clues that connect events from the majority of the latter part of the series…

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Reviews:

If you try to watching Howling VII, doubtless slack-jawed by its awfulness, you might wonder that this excuse for a movie was shot entirely unconnected to The Howling series, and that it was subsequently sold by unscrupulous producers as another entry in the real franchise with footage from the previous weak werewolf movies edited in. How insulting is that, you may ponder? But no, ‘auteur’ Clive Turner actually had a creative hand in the previous three entries. Which makes this atrocity even more insulting. There are numerous macho characters with beards that would put ZZ Top to shame, a Snoozeville small town paranoid vibe that simply grates rather than intrigues, and, worst of all, repeated scenes of good ole’ line dancing (with music that sometimes doesn’t even fit with line dancing!). Combined, such second-rate western/musical incidentals make this a real endurance test for even the hardiest of need-to-seem-’em-all horror fans. As writer, producer, director and star, Aussie Clive Turner is the obvious culprit and should still be hanging his hat in shame. You have been forewarned.

Adrian J Smith, Horrorpedia

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PS. Perhaps even more bizarre than the notion of making such a bad moon movie, a certain Dr. Winston O’Boogie spent eleven internet pages summarising it in detail, whilst still saying its awful. Why then waste web space detailing the tedious plot, Winston? If you actually read this pointless prose, you’ll be even bored than watching the film itself!

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‘ … ranks right up there with Troll 2 as the most hilarious bad movie ever made. To prove how bad the acting is, all of the characters actually keep their own names!!! They play themselves!! What a concept, they even keep the name of the town. I bet it was to cut down on the people forgetting each others names because they had a hard enough time remembering their lines!!’ Bloody Disgusting

‘What of the werewolf? The poor fellow is mostly relegated to some hilariously ineffective werewolf POV shots (the film’s negative with a red tint job added), but he does get to partake in possibly the worst transformation scene in movie history: a quick morphing effect followed by ten seconds of someone wearing a wolf mask crashing through a door before it’s cut down by off camera gunfire.’ Dread Central

The Howling: New Moon Rising is simply a pointless movie. It sucks, and it’s pointless and irritating with how horrible it is. All the actors, including writer-producer-director-actor Clive Turner, are terribly lifeless and boring, much like the rest of the movie. It’s not even funny though it tries very hard to be and those attempts just turn out to be really pathetic.’ The Girl Who Loves Horror

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Choice dialogue:

“I’m into necrophilia, sadism and bestiality. But as a matter of fact, I think I’m flogging a dead horse.”

“Elvis Costello sang country?”

Wikipeda | IMDb


Corpse Eaters

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‘Rotting ghouls return to life in an orgy of cannibalism’

Corpse Eaters is a 1973 Canadian horror film directed by Donald R. Passmore and Klaus Vetter based on a screenplay by producer Lawrence Zazelenchuk, with additional dialogue by Alan Nicholson. 

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Cast:

Michael Hopkins, Ed LeBreton, Terry London, Michael Krizanc, Helina Carson, Douglas Deering.

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Some the film’s gore scenes were apparently removed for it’s theatrical release and the footage has since been lost. According to Caelum Vatnsdal’s book They Came from Within, Corpse Eaters was produced in 1973 by teenager Lawrence Zazelenchuk, who owned The 69 Drive-In on Route 69 outside of Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. He had saved $36,000 from working at a nickel mine and decided to write and produce a horror film to screen at his own drive-in. Director Donald R. Passmore was hired, then fired after four days and replaced by Klaus Vetter. Once finished, Zazalenchuk found he could not afford the lab costs to have the film developed, but finally saved enough in drive-in proceeds to get it processed. It premiered at The 69 Drive-In in 1974 and went on to a long local run before it was bought by a New York distributor in the market for a tax write-off.

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Reviews:

“With easily has the most extreme effects of any Canadian horror movie, The Corpse Eaters is worth a look if for no other reason, than it has the distinction of being the first gore film made in the Great White North. Unfortunately, the film itself leaves much to be desired it never really recovers from the success of the initial zombie attack, seemingly unsure of which direction to proceed in.” Canuxploitation

“Whether it’s an awkward sex scene or total mutilation by zombies, this film never hesitates to go over the top and push boundaries.” The Zombie Site

“An ugly, poorly lit, cheap looking and technically inept film, this has bad acting, Halloween kit makeups (which are also by Zazelenchuk) and a dull storyline culled from the aforementioned Night and Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things (1972). This is only really worth seeking out for curio value and for zombie movie completists.” Bloody Pit of Horror

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“Aside from the gore similarity that one could compare to certain European romps, there’s ironically a fair amount of Fulci/Franco trademark zooms to the character’s eyes. Conversely, the film has a Herschell Gordon Lewis feeling to it because of bad/inane dialogue and obviously over-the-top gore. There’s always something about experiencing a lost film that makes a horror viewer smile, and Corpse Eaters is no different, except it has a much more interesting and personable story behind it.” Oh, the Horror!

“Sleazy, gory and a little sloppy, startling obscurity has kept you from seeing this. Tenacity must push you onward, until the two of you meet over Friendship & Beers.” Bleeding Skull!

IMDb


Houseboat Horror

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‘A new wave of blood gushing suspense’

Houseboat Horror is a 1989 Australian slasher film released to video. It was directed by Kendal Flanagan and Ollie Martin. The latter produced and wrote the screenplay.

Cast:

Alan Dale, Christine Jeston, Craig Alexander, Des McKenna, Gavin Wood, John Michael Howson, Louise Siversen, Peppie D’Or, Stephen Whittaker, Julie Thompson, Mark Muggeridge, Wilkie Collins, David Blackman, Greg Latts, Ian Campbell, Steve Hutchinson, Christopher Young, Don Bridges, Catherine Hill, Sue Hancock, Ruth Yaffe, Lewis Porter, Alisa Meadows, Jason Archer, Sandra ‘Scarlett’ Wilson, Ray Boseley, Ollie Martin, Zlatko Kasumovic.

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Plot teaser:

A film crew composed of media types and party animals from the city embark on a road trip to record music videos of a rock band at rural Lake Infinity.

A hitchhiker is shocked by the grisly discovery of her friend’s dead body. Alone and forced to run through dense scrubland to escape an unseen assailant, she fails to evade the killer and is stabbed multiple times.

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The visiting rock band with film crew, stop for fuel at a petrol station and is given an uneasy reception by locals who seem wary or suspicious of outsiders. They leave to meet the rest of the crew at a river where houseboats have been hired for transport and accommodation…

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Reviews:

“If this flick has anything going for it then it’s the gore. Don’t get me wrong, the fx are cheap as chips but the film delivers in the grue department: heads are split in half with a machete, throats are slit and – surely a first – a woman is killed with a horseshoe! Also, the film is book ended by a couple of relatively effective scenes (a hitchhiker is chased down near the beginning and the killer goes postal during the, er, climax). It’s topped off with some suitably cheesy, and not very effective twists… Justin Kerswell, Hysteria Lives

“This movie really does tick all the miniscule budget horror boxes.  Shot on video ?…  Check.  Chintzy synth score ?…  Check.  Actresses not nearly hot enough for their sexpot roles?…  Check.  Animal from Hey Hey It’s Saturday fisting a bongo ?…  You better believe it.” Pete Laurie, Bored and Dangerous

“The plot is completely unoriginal, the resident Psycho doesn’t have any screen presence, and the pace is so unrelentingly sombre that you are left wondering when the end credits might finally come up to put the movie out of it’s misery. For those that like a high body count and cheesy gore effects, dive in there’s something in there for you.” Scary Minds

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Wikipedia | IMDb

 


The Meateater (1979)

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‘A tasty horror film!’

The Meateater – aka Blood Theatre – is a 1979 American horror film written and directed by David Burton Morris [as Derek Savage] (Tales from the Crypt TV series: ‘Three’s a Crowd’) from a story co-written with George Caldwell and Damon Fuller.

Main cast:

Arch Joboulian, Dianne Davis, Peter Spitzer, Emily Spindler, Gary Dean, Joe Marmo, Tony Anthony (Ghostbusters), Frank Montiforte, Richard Nathan.

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Plot:

Mitford Webster suffers an unfulfilling life as a traveling shoe salesman, when he receives news that he has successfully purchased a run down movie theater named The Crest. Ecstatic about his new purchase, Mitford uproots his family so that he can re-open the cinema. However, his dream is quickly shattered when panic sets in because a psychopathic man is discovered to be living inside the movie house…

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Reviews:

“I do think there’s supposed to be some sort of commentary here about people who blame violence on violent movies. That’s the joke of a guy obsessed with old movies committing murders during a G-rated wildlife documentary. The irony is lost on Lieutenant Wombat, who can’t tell the difference between Gerard Damiano and Mike Nichols. You get it, man? The makers of The Meateater have unmasked the hypocrisy. But the long tangents of pointless dialogue and oddly deadpan delivery of everything makes it hard to spot.” Vern’s Reviews

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“Technically, The Meateater is an ideal shambles. Odd eye and mouth close-ups rub elbows with hilariously awful compositions, achieving an inadvertent, sloppy artsiness that fits the tone of the film perfectly. Deadpan non-actors hang on for dear life. The unglued score from Arlon Ober (Legacy of Satan! Nightbeast!) steps right in line. All of that, combined with a legit sense of the sinister (and a few chuckles), lands The Meateater into primo trash territory.” Bleeding Skull!

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“I did like that they were showing nature documentaries and they juxtaposed shots of animals eating with people gorging themselves in the theater. In the end, this is just a weird little flick with a couple of nice effects, no nudity and some of the worst acting you will ever witness. Another win!” Divine Exploitation

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Trailer:

IMDb

 


The Dark Side of Midnight aka The Creeper (1984)

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‘By knife, by rope, by axe. Bye bye!’

The Dark Side of Midnight – aka The Creeper – is a 1984 psycho thriller co-produced, written, edited and directed by Wes Olsen (who also stars). The film was distributed by Troma Entertainment in the US and overseas. The German title is Blood City.

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Buy: Amazon.co.ukAmazon.com

Main cast:

James F. Moore, Wes Olsen, Sandy Schemmel, Dave Bowling, Dan Myers, Dennis Brennan.

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Plot:

Specialist private detective, Brock Johnson is called in to investigate a series of murders in Fort Smith, committed by a killer, known as ‘The Creeper’. His investigation is hampered by the corrupt local mayor, who has bought reams of local land as he is attempting to attract a new university to set up campus…

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Reviews:

 … a pure exercise in ineptitude at every level. Local theater actors with little to no in-front-of-camera experience shout their dreadful dialogue, move their eyebrows and bob their heads a lot, amplifying every nuance in case the people at the back can’t see it – oh wait, it’s a film, not a play.” Vegan Vorhees

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“You just can’t fake bad acting like that seen in this film. Such a thing requires a certain level of earnestness — the poor people are just trying so damned hard — to make the awkward delivery and unnatural rhythms truly funny. Also: mustaches! If you like mustaches — and who doesn’t like a mustache? — you’ll love this mustache-filled film.” Kernunrex

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“In 1984 Wes Olsen wrote, directed, produced, edited, and starred in The Dark Side of Midnight. Since he had so much on his plate he obviously forgot his lines a bunch of times and cast a lead who slurred his lines so bad your television practically turns into smell-o-vision with wafts of booze strong enough to get you buzzed.” Hollie Horror, Letterboxd

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Choice dialogue:

“Rough spot isn’t the word for it, Bill”

Filming locations:

Modesto and Oakdale, California, USA

Wikipedia | IMDb


Night of Terror aka Escape from the Insane Asylum (1986)

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‘They killed her but she refused to stay dead’

Night of Terror aka Escape from the Insane Asylum is a 1986 American horror film directed by Felix Girard from a screenplay by producer and lead actress Renee Harmon (Frozen Scream).

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Main cast:

Renee Harmon, Frank Neuhaus, Henry Lewis, Lynn Whitmire, Lauren Brent, Arline Sprecht, Steven Neuhardt, James Lewis, Jan Vanderberg, Marian Wayne, Ivan Corda,  Joni Barnes, Graham Galloway, Tania Anatole, Noel Stron.

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Plot:

Screen Shot 2016-04-22 at 16.07.34After being committed to a sanatorium by her wealthy husband, a rich heiress is on a race against the clock to prove her sanity and to expose the savage medical experiments that are being performed in the asylum…

Reviews:

“Despite some unintentional laughs here and there, especially the opening asylum scenes full of cliched nuttish behavior, it’s mostly just dull, inept and confusing. The acting’s pretty awful, the story’s all over the place and it’s mostly just talk and very, very tame.” The Bloody Pit of Horror

“Another Renee Harmon mashup job, part SOV and partly cribbed from Frozen Scream. A crummy world of ugly interiors, stilted acting, baffling flashbacks (or are they hallucinations?), harsh key lights slicing through indecipherable night scenes, and corrupt doctors who casually toss around the word ‘retard’.” Matt Lynch, Letterboxd

“Utterly incomprehensible and amateurish piece of crap with enough weirdness to satisfy fans of low-budget trash.” Humanoid of Flesh, IMDb

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Clip:

IMDb | Image credit: Australian VHS Covers



Beasties (1989)

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Beasties is a 1989 American science fiction horror film, originally titled Bionaut, written, produced and directed by Steven Paul Contreras.

The film, which was shot on Super 8mm, was bought by David DeCoteau (director of Creepozoids, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama; Evil Exhumed) for a Cinema Home Video release in 1991. Distributed minus 20 minutes to pick up the pace, only 200 VHS copies were sold before it was withdrawn due to poor sales.

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In 2005, director Contreras reinserted the missing 20 minutes and sold it on DVD-R on eBay. It was subsequently re-released on DVD-R in October 2014.

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Buy: Amazon.co.ukAmazon.com | Amazon.ca

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Plot:

Nelson Croft, a college nerd, is forced to go on a date, where he meets the girl of his dreams – suddenly, he finds himself hurled through a series of events like finding an alien spacecraft stuffed full of aliens… runs into into a gang of psychotic punkers… then is captured by a demonic high priest with designs for world domination… and finally discovers a strange creature called a Bionaut. Nelson soon learns that everything adds up to one big picture and only he can stop future disasters that await the world…

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Reviews:

“The creatures are mostly absent from a film that was supposed to be all about them and even when they were onscreen they don’t do much until the very end. It’s also filmed so dark that it’s hard to see what’s happening with the little guys. It feels like Contreras was trying to make two movies in the span of 80 minutes and failed at both of them.” Damon Swindall, Horror’s Not Dead

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“It contains nudity and blood, but the girls are butt-ugly and the gore is of the grade school variety. The sets are threadbare and the acting is beyond the point of being surreal. The action scenes, including one of the worst knife fights ever committed to film are pathetic. The music sounds like it was recorded on a Yamaha synthesizer…” Fred Adelman, Critical Condition

“The ambient spacecraft foley sounds like my alarm clock, the dying alien’s bleating sounds like a kazoo played over one of those “groan tube” things. The movie takes an extended break from being an alien invasion film to be a Satanic gang film. Favorite shot: a crowd of punks rushes forward to pummel a frat boy, while one extra forgets to move, just standing in place lighting a cigarette.” Gregory Joseph, Letterboxd.com

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“This movie is crammed with things that we never see coming. It’s also crammed with poor lighting, claustrophobic close-ups, repetitive monologues, and one-fingered synthesizer arpeggios. But thanks to the sincerity of the filmmakers, these elements provide charming diversions while we anticipate the joy of another ferocious Beastie attack. Or the joy of a fat guy named Chubbs making a joke about shitting his pants.”Joseph A. Ziemba, Bleeding Skull!

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“The aliens/monsters/whatever are very much of their time, but actually not too bad. Everything is filmed in low light, so a lot of the movie is really dark. Very forgiving for props and effects. If for no other reason, this thing is worth watching for a damn good, deep down belly laugh.” Rio, HorrorNews.net

Choice dialogue:

“My God this is happening like it does in the movies!”

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Filming locations:

Fresno, California, USA

Wikipedia| IMDb


Skinned Deep (2004)

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‘A new icon of terror for a new generation of fear, meet the Surgeon General’

Skinned Deep is a 2004 American horror film written, produced and directed by special effects and makeup artist Gabe [Gabriel] Bartalos. In some territories it was released as Berserker.

The film’s music score was composed by David Davidson (Blood Surf; SleepStalker) and, oddly, Captain Sensible of punk-goth-psychedelic band The Damned.

Main cast:

Les Pollack, Aaron Sims, Kurt Carley, Linda Weinrib, Forrest J Ackerman (Braindead; Scalps; Queen of Blood; editor of Famous Monsters of Filmland), Eric Bennett and Warwick Davis (Leprechaun series).

1056289__111124805Plot:

While taking a family trip, the Rockwell family become lost on the highway. When their car gets a flat, father Phil (Eric Bennett) goes to a convenience store to find help and a strange old woman invites them to stay with her while one of her sons fixes their car.

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The old woman introduces the family to her strange sons: Plates (Warwick Davis), Brain (Jason Dugre), and one whom the woman calls “Surgeon General” (Kurt Carley). When Mrs. Rockwell takes a picture of Surgeon General, he kills her. Plates starts throwing plates at Phil, who is then murdered by Surgeon General. The Rockwell children, Tina and Matthew, escape through a window and are pursued by Surgeon General and Plates…

Reviews:

“There’s simply no grey area with Skinned Deep — either you love it or you hate it. I, for one, adore the movie, and am quick to recommend it to those with like-minded sensibilities. Those of you who can overlook Bartalos’ shaky direction, the plethora of crumby performances, and outrageously stupid script will be presented with a strangely Lynchian gorefest that doesn’t going one toke over the line.” Todd, Killerflix

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“There is nothing in the film remotely resembling a real situation or person, the action is edited together in an annoyingly disjointed manner and the director could hardly keep still, combining an array of awful shots in a haphazard way. It is horribly bad but never scares or thrills and the attempts at comedy are incredibly childish. The only decent actor in the film is Warwick Davis and they made him wear a backpack full of plates and gave him a monologue about his plate obsession” Eat Horror

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“Bartalos is clearly more interested in disturbing the viewer through the sheer weirdness of the proceedings, and throws in scenes which are memorable rather than shocking. There is a fair amount of blood, and some good special effects, made all the more impressive by the obviously low budget, although most of the gore is either played for laughs or is simply too odd to cause offence.” James Mudge, Beyond Hollywood

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“Now, Gabe Bartalos is a perfectly talented makeup artist. His artistic creations have often been the only good thing about some otherwise perfectly shitty movies, including some of the latter entries into the Leprechaun series. Sadly, at some point ol’ Gabe got in into his gin-soaked head that knowing how to make an oozing stomach wound out of latex made him a qualified writer and director. For the record, it did not.” Ben Platt, Something Awful

Cast and characters:

  • Forrest J Ackerman as Forrey
  • Eric Bennett as Phil Rockwell
  • Jason Dugre as Brain
  • Warwick Davis as Plates
  • Karoline Brandt as Tina Rockwell
  • Peter Iasillo, Jr. as Petey
  • Kurt Carley as Surgeon General
  • Bill Butts as Graine
  • Neil Dooley as Pig Pen
  • Joel Harlow as Octobaby

Wikipedia | IMDb


Garden of the Dead (1972)

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‘Death was the only living thing…’

Garden of the Dead is a 1972 American zombie horror film directed by film John Hayes (End of the World; Grave of the Vampire) from a screenplay by Jack Matcha. It was also released as Tomb of the Undead.

The film stars Duncan McLeod, Lee Frost (director of The Thing with Two Heads; Love Camp 7, House on Bare Mountain) and Susan Charney.

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Plot:

At the Hoover work camp of the Windsor County Department of Correction, a place where formaldehyde is produced, the warden, whose methods are cruel and outdated, realizes that his career is over. The camp soon will be closed.

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Among the prisoners, there is a faction that has become addicted to the fumes of formaldehyde. Encouraged by their ringleader, Braddock, these men frequently indulge in an orgy of breathing fumes and dousing themselves with the liquid. Later, they make an initially successful escape but are then nearly all shot in the ensuing chase.

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As guards dig the graves, barrels of formaldehyde that have been riddled by gunfire leak onto the corpses and into the graves. The corpses then come alive, some pushing their way out of the dirt, and kill the gravediggers. Taking shovels, an axe and other weapons, the zombies proceed toward camp, chanting: “We will destroy the living!”

Reviews:

“The zombie make-up is at once ineffectual and yet also overdone. Because they’ve dead only a matter of hours they can’t be decomposing but instead wear stark black and white make-up that makes them look more like members of the KISS Army than the walking dead. Although this is by no measure a good film it is at least fun (occasionally hilarious). It fails in what it sets out to do, but it’s stupidity, combined with its brevity, make it a decent way to kill an hour.” The Zombie Site

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“As a movie, it’s cheap and careless, with an awkward pace and ridiculously mismatched canned 1950s jazz score … But some of the convict actors seem to be having fun. If not for the slow pacing and dark lighting, the camp value would be higher.” David Elroy Goldweber, Claws & Saucers

“This scruffy low-budget production anticipates the pointless and depressing amateur zombie movies of the early ’90s by almost twenty years.” Peter Dendle, The Zombie Movie Encyclopedia

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Buy: Amazon.comAmazon.co.uk

Garden of the Dead really has very little going for it. At just an hour or so it is surprisingly slow moving, and even the rare gory bits manage to be low octane. But I quite liked it – the 60s feel, perhaps, or the corniness of Carol in her flimsy nightdress, or the agricultural feel of the dirt-caked zombies armed with their crude tools.” Prison Movies

“It’s all incredibly silly, campy stuff.” Glenn Kay, Zombie Movies: The Ultimate Guide

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Cast and characters:

  • Philip Kenneally
  • Duncan McLeod
  • John Dullaghan as Sgt. Burns
  • John Dennis
  • Susan Charney
  • Marland Proctor as Paul Johnson
  • Tony Vorno
  • Jerome Guardino
  • Lee Frost
  • Eric Stern
  • Virgil Frye
  • Phil Hoover

Wikipedia | IMDb | AFI | Image thanks: The Zombie Site


Hobgoblins (1988)

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Hobgoblins is a 1988 American comedy horror film directed by directed, written, and produced by Rick Sloane, who also served as cinematographer and editor. Kenneth J. Hall (director of The Halfway House and Evil Spawn) fabricated the hobgoblins.

The plot concerns small, hobgoblins (demon like mythical creatures) although they do not appear until 29 minutes into the film.

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Often seen as a rip-off of Gremlins, the film is generally considered to be of exceptionally poor quality, and has come to be regarded as one of the worst films ever made.

The film had a low profile until director Rick Sloane submitted it to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 team. MST3K writer Paul Chaplin later commented: “It shoots right to the top of the list of the worst movies we’ve ever done.” The ensuing negative publicity led Sloane to produce Hobgoblins 2, a self-mocking sequel in 2009.

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On October 24, 2016, Vinegar Syndrome released the film on Blu-ray, with the following bonus features:

Scanned, restored & preserved in 2k from 35mm original camera negative
Archival commentary track with director Rick Sloane
Hobgoblins Revisited: brand new making-of featurette
Brand new interview with hobgoblin creature fabricator, Kenneth J. Hall
Hobgoblins: The Making of a Disasterpiece: featurette
Hobgoblins Invade Comic-Con: featurette
Trailer
Reversible cover artwork
English SDH Subtitles

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Buy: Amazon.com

Plot:

Kevin just got hired to be the assistant night watchman at an old film vault. Warned to stay out of one mysterious chamber, the rookie guard can’t help but satisfy his curiosity and unwittingly unleashes a group of hobgoblins: furry aliens who grant people wishes only to kill them in the process.

As the body count starts to rise, Kevin, with the help of his friends, decide to track down the deadly creatures before they wreak havoc on the city…

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Reviews:

“It’s in the absolute cellar as far as production values and filmmaking competence are concerned, but the acting, creature effects and attempts at comedy are so atrocious that it never once gets boring. There’s so much surreal anti-humor, from the extended garden tool fight scene to the hobgoblins themselves, completely unarticulated puppets that need to be held against the characters…” Jim Vorel, Paste magazine

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“There’s nothing charming about writer/director Rick Sloane’s oily failure, no sense of glorious insanity that accompanies the most charming flops, no feel of outlandish camp that comes with an over-the-top bomb. What we have instead is a loathsome, ugly, and downright dumb stab at comedy, a sort of Ghoulies reimagined by someone who doesn’t have a single clue as to what he’s doing.” David Cornelius, DVD Talk

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Hobgoblins is a movie that I had immense pleasure in watching. If you can stomach unknown actors who are not that good, bad effects, and dumb comedy that is so stupid that it makes you laugh, it is a movie that you will likely enjoy as well. It clearly takes its inspiration from the movies that preceded it, but it does enough with the material to set it apart from the pack.” Jesse, HorrorNews.net

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Buy (English audio option): Amazon.co.uk

Cast and characters:

  • Tom Bartlett as Kevin
  • Paige Sullivan as Amy
  • Steven Boggs as Kyle
  • Kelley Palmer as Daphne
  • Billy Frank as Nick
  • Tamara Clatterbuck as Fantazia
  • Duane Whitaker as Roadrash
  • Jeffrey Culver as McCreedy
  • Kevin Kildow as Dennis
  • Kari French as Pixie
  • Daran Norris as Club Scum M.C
  • James Mayberry as Sergeant Parker
  • Ken Abraham as Thug
  • Don Barrett as Comstock

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Buy: Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk

Wikipedia | IMDb

 


Elves (1989)

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‘They’re not working for Santa… anymore’

Elves is a 1989 American horror film directed by Jeffrey Mandel from a screenplay co-written with Mike Griffin and Bruce A. Taylor. It was produced by Mark Paglia (Alien Seed).

It stars Dan Haggerty (Axe Giant; The Chilling), Deanna Lund, Ken Carpenter, Julie Austin, Borah Silver.

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Opening plot:

When teenager Kristen (Julie Austin) accidentally cuts her hand during an “Anti-Christmas” pagan ritual with her friends in the woods, her spilled blood awakens an ancient demonic Christmas elf.

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The elf is the central figure in a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of conquering the world with. Rather than a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler instead dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.

Kristen is also a figure in this plot as she is the last remaining pure-blooded Aryan virgin in the world, her grandfather being a former Nazi who was once involved in the plot (but is now reformed); he is also her father, as inbreeding was somehow considered crucial to maintaining a pure Aryan bloodline.

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Meanwhile, Mike McGavin (Dan Haggerty) is an ex-cop who lost his badge when he lost control of his alcoholism. Jobless, penniless, and recently served a notice of eviction from his ramshackle trailer home, winds up becoming the store Santa after the previous Santa is murdered by the elf…

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Reviews:

“Sure, the plot’s ludicrous, the script is unbelievable, the elf could look better and gets overshadowed by other villains in its own film, and the acting runs from over-the-top to not-trying-at-all while hitting every point in between. But, in a movie like Elves, those serious weaknesses are also charms.”James Lasome, Horrorfreak News

“It might seem that because the film is so bad it’s funny, it would be worth a watch. It’s not – the plot ambles along so slowly, so pointlessly, that Elves is only recommended for those hardcore viewers who completely love bad movies for whatever reason.” Ryne Barber, HorrorNews.net

“Regardless, if you find yourself entertained by the worst of the worst, then I cannot encourage you enough to seek out an evening spent with Elves. Because, quite honestly, nothing says Christmas like incest, Nazis and a heavy dose of the Turkish blend.” Chuck Norris Ate My Baby

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“It’s a Christmas movie, so we must have Christmas Witches, Nazi Scientists, Rubber Elf Puppets, and an evil plot to create a master race of elves -vs- The Valley Girls and Grizzly Adams. You just can’t make stuff like this up. Unlike other stinkers like The Beast of Yucca Flats, this movie did not even have the common courtesy of being brief…” Ruthless Reviews

“The continuity, acting abilities, logic, and gore effects are infamously terrible. However, there is no better Christmas Horror movie for 2016 than this, due in large part to the thematic subtexts running rampant all over this trash pile of cinematic adventure.” BJ Colangelo, Blumhouse.com

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“…Elves is the perfect example of a so-bad-it’s-good film, because… even though it’s badly written and directed, poorly paced, packed with terrible acting and totally deserves a 4/10 rating, there’s so much wacky shit going on, you just have to love it, especially because of the absolutely outrageous plot.” Maynard’s Horror Movie Diary

” …hear about how Noah’s Ark had elves; hear about how “girls” are the “master race”; see Grizzly Adams smoke non-stop… even while brushing his teeth (!!!); experience the acid trip that happens when you kill an elf and much, much more! Recommended for lovers of shitty movies.” Happyotter

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Choice dialogue:

Rubinkraur: “When there is no more room in Hell, the elves will walk the Earth!”

Mike McGavin: “What are you? A goddamn Nazi or something? Is that elf yours?”

Mike McGavin: “You demented, perverted son-of-a-bitch, you make me sick!”

Cast and characters:

  • Dan Haggerty as Mike McGavin
  • Julie Austin as Kristen
  • Deanna Lund as Kristen’s mother
  • Borah Silver as Kristen’s grandfather
  • Dean Valley as Stan
  • Mansell Rivers-Bland as Rubinkraur
  • Christopher Graham as Willy
  • Laura Lichstein as Brooke
  • Stacey Dye as Amy
  • Emilio Shane as Doug
  • Gregory Fletcher as Lee
  • Lyle Carter as Steven
  • Monica Kelly as Cassie
  • Jen Craze as Jessalyn
  • Kyle Tapp as Ross
  • Gary Zame as Jed
  • Courtney Heather Simpson as Katie
  • Kenny Clarks as Sam
  • Winter Monk as Kurt
  • Jeff Austin as Emil
  • Allen Lee as Dr. Fitzgerald
  • Paul Rohrer as Prof. O’Conner
  • Ken Carpenter as Shaver
  • Michael Tatlock as Hugh Reed
  • Michael Herst as Sgt. DeSoto
  • Chris Hamner as Kevin
  • D.L. Walker as Dave
  • James Albert as Mark

Filming locations:

Colorado Springs in Colorado, USA

Wikipedia | IMDb


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